Bringing in the new

Clean out the old leaven so that you may be a new lump, just as you are {in fact} unleavened. For Christ our Passover also has been sacrificed.  1 Corinthians 5:7

As you have heard me say many times, Jade constantly amazes me.  I know normally developing children learn things quickly.  When you have taught developmentally delayed children for more than 20 years, you forget how quickly normal children learn things.

Unfortunately, while she learns English, I hear less and less Chinese at the level she was at in China coming out of her.  She spoke in full sentences, even with me, while we were in China.  Some of her thoughts were very complex and truly showed her level of intelligence.  Even when I had her recently speak with a Chinese friend of mine, she didn't use it with her either.

What is sad for me is seeing her losing a part of who she is.  Yes, by bringing her home she became an American.  Yes, she will speak English as an American.  I know that when you are learning something new, some of the old things slide back.  It is just hard to watch a part of who she has been for the past three years leaving her.  She is still Chinese and always will be.  I don't want her to forget that. 

She was born to a woman in China.  She has a biological father who is Chinese as well.  I watch all the wonderful things she is doing and think about a family that doesn't get to see this wonderful part of her.  When we celebrated her birthday a few weeks ago, did they think about their child they felt had to give up?  She was abandoned on November 1.  Did they remember that day as well and wonder what has happened to her?  Chances are they will never know that she was adopted nor that she now lives in the United States.    They will also never know what a sweet, loving, bright child she is.  All they knew was she was an albino and that she was different.  I don't know what went through their heads or whether or not they think of her today.  I just don't want her to forget who she is and where she came from.  God allowed her to be born in China, spend almost 3 years in an orphanage and a foster home before He joined us together as a family.  Being Chinese is a part of her heritage and I don't want her to ever forget that.  

As the old leaves her and the new is coming in, may I never forget to share with her all the wonderful things I know about China with her.  May I never forget to share with her His unconditional love and teach her about His ways.  May He continue to watch over both of us and help us to know what she needs to keep and what she needs to let go.  

Blessings of the week

More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ           Philippians 3:8

Though I am looking to be more content in life, nothing has brought me more joy than being a mother.  Though I have many days that I struggle with putting the things of life in their proper order, there are two things that will always be at the top of my list:  my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and my daughter.  That is how it should be.  He comes first.  As He comes first, He gives me the ability to be the best that I can be for her.  Without Him, nothing else matters.  Without Him, it is all a loss.  I can't imagine being a mom without Him first in my life. 

This week, Jade and I had a wonderful blessing.  With it being Veteran's Day on Wednesday, we got an extra day to spend together.  We took full advantage of it.  Late in the afternoon, we headed over to the playground across the street from our home.  She loves it.  My mom watches her two days a week and they go there alot.  Jade is getting more confident as she tries more things.  With her vision challenges, she sometimes seems unsure and wants me to hold her hand to get through things.  It doesn't take her long until she wants to be independent. 

She is starting to take more risks indoors and out.  Climbing on things, bouncing on things, jumping on things, just physically exploring her world more and more.  With that is coming more falls and more bumps.  She is very much like many other children who come out of an orphanage setting.  They get hurt but many don't cry.  Their experience may be that no one will come or comfort me when I cry so why bother.  This isn't due to the children being unloved.  Many times this is due to the ratio of staff to children is extremely high.  Due to this, many children that needed to be picked up and held couldn't be because there was not enough people available to do this.  I also know that many of the ayis (nannies) often haven't finished middle school and definitely did not receive training to work with children as they do here in the states.  I'm sure in time Jade will watch other children and come to realize she can milk her "bonk-a-boos" with a few tears.

My baobei (my precious treasure)

At the playground across the street from our home

My precious baby girl

Not only were we blessed with an extra day to spend together, we were blessed with a family from church coming by today to play with Jade while I tackled more boxes that need to be unpacked.  Since I only had 3 weeks to get repairs done and move back into my home before I went to get her, only the major necessities of life were unpacked.  Even though we have been home almost 2 months, I still had some stuff that I brought home from my year in China that needed to be put away.  While they played with Jade, I was able to get alot accomplished in a very short time today.  Nothing can be more overwhelming to me than to constantly see the things I still need to do glaring at me every day.  I now can say one more room is done!  Lord, you are so good!  Thank you for the blessings you give.

Content? Not yet but getting there

Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content. Philippians 4:11

I'm going to start this one out by stating that I AM NOT COMPLAINING about my life. Not in any way, shape or form! Right now, I am just sharing my thoughts about where I am in my life.

Now that I have said that, hmmm...content. I have recently found myself praying for this again. I found myself two years ago praying for this and I was amazed when I finally looked back at my life and found that I was content. I stopped longing for things that were not mine to have. I love how He hears our hearts desires and gives them to us when they are in line with His will for our lives.

I want to be back in that state of mind. I have been blessed so abundantly with the gift of my daughter. Please don't take this as me saying I want more. I'm not deserving of what He has already given me. How could I even think to want more blessings?

Sometimes my head is a scary place to be. I don't let things go very easily. I over think things. I try to figure things out in my head. I try to interpret meanings behind things that maybe aren't meant for me to understand or to know just yet. This is what I want to stop. I want to take each of these thoughts captive and give them over to God. I want to be comfortable waiting for Him to fulfill the promises He has given me instead of me saying "Is this it Lord?" or "What does this mean when ... happened?".

This is what I mean by wanting to be content. I want to be able to walk through my day CONTENT to be doing what He has me doing, going where He wants me to be and totally focused on the most important job He has ever given me...being a mom. All the rest of life is very distracting at times. I forgot about some of that while I was in China. I want my focus back. While I was in China, I never forgot any of the promises He had given me. I just wasn't busy trying to interpret all the little things and how they played into my desires. I was content...content in waiting on Him and His perfect timing for anything and everything in my life. I long for that again. My daughter deserves that from me.

Please pray that I am able to find this. I have started to find some of it as I have pulled myself back from some things that I have let my head get all wrapped up in. Pray I am able to hear His still, small voice so I know where He wants me to step, when He wants me to step and to wait contently for His plans to unfold instead of me unfolding my plans. Thank you Lord that you love me enough to continue to mold me into being the best mother and woman I can be.

2 months

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. James 1:17

On Saturday, November 2, I celebrated the fact that Jade and I have been a family for 2 months. I want you to know that it feels like she has been with me so much longer than just a mere 60 days. She continues to be such an angel. My mom keeps telling me how lucky I am. I know this is not luck but a blessing from my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. This gift is so perfect that it could only come from Him.


Let's make them all talk at the same time!

Everyday she is trying new things. I can watch her for hours trying to figure out what she is going to think of next. The other day she decided that she was going to activate all the LeapFrog things on the refrigerator at the same time. She then stood back and chuckled at herself. She just cracks me up sometimes...ok...most of the time.


Dancing in the kitchen

She loves music. She loves dancing. She has figured out that if she stands infront of the dishwasher she can see her reflection in it while she dances. She received one of those cards that has music in it for her birthday. She likes when I sing to it and we added some "moves" to go with it. She will imitate anything I do! NOT ALWAYS a good thing but it definitely helps to keep me aware of all the things I shouldn't be doing. I think some dance classes may be in her future.


Dancing to her Fridge DJ

Every morning we have our little rituals. The first thing when she wakes up, she asks me "How are you?". The next question I get as we go downstairs is "Cheerios?". I make my coffee while she sits next to the fridge with her Cheerios and her drink (aka "shui" pronounced "shway"). I always bring down her blanket because we take it to daycare. This week, she decided that she wanted it over her lap while she sat there with her Cheerios and shui.


Her newest thing

Also this week, Little, our cat, decided that he really likes Jade's bag. I was filling it with all the things she needed one morning. Little decided she needed to take him with her too.


Little wants to go to daycare too

For any of you that have been into Jade's playroom, you will see that I have lots of books! I love to read and I love to read to her even more. Her favorite book of the week is The Grouchy Ladybug by Eric Carle. She sat there the other night with it in her lap while I was cooking dinner. The ladybug was picking fights with bigger and bigger animals. I tell the story in English but add some size words in Chinese. As she was "reading" the book, she would flip to each page and find the ladybug, call it "xiao de" (little one) and then the other animal and call it "da de" (big one). As the animals would get bigger, she was imitating what I had done with my voice. This was truly fun to listen to and watch!


Checking out her favorite book of the week

She has started to wear bows in her hair. It is growing very quickly. If you check out the pictures of her buzz cut in June, it is wonderful to see how much it has grown. They don't stay in long as they seem to slide out easily but the other morning she got up and wanted them in. That morning, she also decided that her bucket could hold more than her stuff from the refrigerator.


Her latest bucket trick

The other night, I had to go out to the kitchen to get something. When I came back in, I found this.


Little trying to convince Jade to share her dinner

My mom had bought a cradle this summer at a garage sale. My nephew had to complete a project for school by helping someone do something. He chose to help my dad sand and paint the cradle for Jade. It is adorable!


Her cradle my nephew, Hunter, painted for her

We had about 40 family members over to our home yesterday to celebrate her becoming a part of her family. As Hunter gave her his gift, he brought in one of her dolls to put in it. Jade wanted to take it out though and climb in herself. :) The sweetest thing was later on when she was given another baby doll as a gift, it too was put in the cradle. Jade then started praying with the baby as I do when I put her to bed. I so love her!


My new hat?

My daughter is quite a natural when it comes to performing for an audience. Her mama is the same way...unfortunately.


Her new cart

Jade loves to push things around the house, including the 6" tall carriage for my mini Boyd's Bear. She started pushing the cart around and realized that it had a seat in the front, just like in the stores. Hmmmmm! Yes, as most children would, she tried to climb in this too! She was satisfied (for that day) when we showed her that her dolls or stuffed animals could ride instead.

As I told you earlier, she loves having an audience and is always ready to perform. Since I have worked in an elementary school for 16 years and performed as a clown, I have a few cute little tricks to show her. One was my favorite...a round of applause, a seal of approval and a little Hip! Hip! Hooray!. She performed Hip! Hip! Hooray! for the large crowd yesterday several times. I believe my mom may have even gotten it on tape.


Hip! Hip! Hooray!

She also took this moment of having a large audience to try out a new trick, climbing on the coffee table!


Her newest trick

Each day with her is truly a gift. If nothing else good comes into my life, I will be ok because she is a good and perfect gift everyday. Even on days that are challenging, I love her more and more. I look forward to what will come with her. Thank you Lord Jesus for this gift.

Jade's 3rd Birthday

But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows. Luke 12:7

On Thursday, October 22, 2009, some friends and family members gathered at my home to celebrate a wonderous day. It was the day the Lord chose for my little baobei to be born on 3 years ago in Tianjin, China. He knew what plans He had for her life. He knew what she would endure before she would be joined with me. I'm just glad that He didn't wait any longer to put us together. Thank you Lord for that blessing!

I started the day by leaving my house while she was still asleep. I found myself arriving at work holding back tears. I had waited for the past 5 years for the day I would celebrate my daughter's birth and I wasn't there. I wasn't the one that got to wake her up. I wasn't the first one that got to wish her Happy Birthday on the day she was born. Birthdays have always been extremely special to me...I'm not sure why. To not be able to start her first one here together was really hard for me. Fortunately, a good friend came in and said "Call home!" I did and it made such a difference. It didn't give me those "firsts" that I wanted but I was able to be the first to sing to her in Chinese and she understood. No one can take that one from me!


Jade and her mama wearing their "scarves"

When I got home from work, I was "blessed" with the challenge of not only finishing up dinner for 14 people, finishing her cake(messed up the frosting recipe 3 times!), stopping her from melting down because I was not following our regular "routine" but I had to also deal with a backed up, smelly sink! I called my Mr. Fixit friend and insisted that he didn't need to come out and fix it. Why do I do those things? Who was I kidding? I didn't have the foggiest clue of what I was doing. I had run a snake down the pipe and that is the best I could do. I thought I was going to go underneath, take off the trap and really fix it? Needless to say, Mr. Fixit had to come out at 9 pm because the blockage was down in the basement. I need to stop relying on him to come and rescue me everytime I have a house issue but I am so blessed that he has come and rescued me more than once since I have been back in the states.


Jade applauding the singing with Hunter (her cousin) and Gloria

Jade loved having everyone there. She loved all the attention and getting to play with Hunter and Gloria. She wasn't too keen on eating the cake. She is not a big sweet eater. She tried her hardest to blow out the candles. Thank goodness for help from Hunter and Gloria on that one!


My little princess

My daughter is in need of nothing yet she was blessed again with so many gifts. As she unwrapped one of them, she kept taking out the tissue paper and would lay it out flat as if that was the cherished gift! One of her gifts was a Cinderella dress and crown. Every princess must have a crown! She's not too sure of the dress yet but knowing how much she likes to put on jewelery and towels as scarves, I expect that dress up is right around the corner.


Jade enjoying one of her presents

She was too cute when she got a stroller for the dolls. She thought is was for her and tried to sit in it! She may be light but not THAT light! My mom took her and her doll out for a walk yesterday with it! The first time out was Jade's turn to ride in her stroller so Laolao (grandma) could get her exercise. The second time was so Jade could walk her doll. Wish I was there to see that!


Jade with her Uncle Brian

I was so blessed that my brother was able to come out for this. His schedule is often full and my nephew is supposed to spend Thursdays with his mom. They came anyways! What a gift for me and for Jade. Hunter so loves his cousin. He is so good with little children.

It is hard to believe that within the first month of having her home, I was able to celebrate a milestone with her. Our first birthday celebration together. I can't wait to share each upcoming event with her. Everything is new to her. Everything she sees, does, experiences is brand new and she loves every little thing (well, not yet the car seat!) and can't wait once she gets past the initial "What is this?". I just want to be the one to show her more of it. Unfortunately, I can't. I have to work and others get to have those moments. I have mine though and no one can take those. Last night was one of those. She was very upset. She is starting to get fussy when I tell her it is almost time to go to bed or take a bath. She knows she will have to stop playing. She ened up crying through out her bath. As I layed her down to bed, she was still crying. We prayed and I asked Jesus to comfort her and to help her calm down so she would sleep well. Immediately after praying, she took a deep breath and was done crying. AMEN! We praised Jesus for helping her! May she see continue to see the power of prayer when you call on the one I know as my Lord and Savior! Thank you Lord for all those little gifts. Every good and perfect gift DOES come from above! What other gift could I want? I have her.

Growing more and more

The righteous shall flourish like a palm tree, He shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon. Psalm 92:12

She amazes me how much she grows. It is daily...not in height but in knowledge. Now that I think about it...she is physically growing too. The doctor says she gained 2.5 lbs since she has been home and to keep feeding her when she is hungry. Ok doc, you know what is best. The awesome thing is that she loves fruit and vegetables and he was surprised to see that her tests showed that her enzymes are good and so is her iron level. Now if I can only get my iron and B12 levels up I would be doing as well as she is. :)

I had told you that while we were in China, she was laying in bed and counted up to 50. This is not typical for a child who was not yet 3 years old. Well, the other night, she was pulling out my cooling racks from the cupboard and she wanted me to count with her. We counted each of the lines on the rack. I pointed and she counted...in English. She independently went to 16. She amazes me. She is a little sponge.


Jade and our cat "Little" entertain each other

Fortunately, Jade and the two cats get along well. She doesn't like it when they fight. Unfortunately, we have been dealing with alot of that lately. I sat on Little's tail on Sunday and he thought it was Miss Hue. He started hissing at her and she started swatting at him and this is how it has been for 5 days straight. I went away for the weekend so I have no idea how they survived. Anyone want 2 cats? Screaming Piazzolla in the car is enough for me. I don't need two screaming cats in the house too!


Jade with her "scarf" and her favorite accessory, keys

Jade loves to imitate anything that anyone is doing. Her latest thing is whenever I am wearing my favorite scarves from China, she runs and gets the towel out of the bathroom and puts it around her neck. Her other favorite accessory continues to be keys! The challenge is that when we are outside of the house, she is going to ANYONE and trying to get their keys. She pulled out of my hand at church and at a store doing this. It concerns me how freely she will go to strangers and it is something I am keeping an eye on. I is a sign of attachment issues and I need to talk to a few of my friends who have gone through this to see what they think and how they knew. For now, I pray and ask for my Lord's wisdom, guidance and protection.



My little monkey

One of the cutest things she started doing this week was carrying over her new English skills into new situations! As a speech therapist, NOTHING you love more than carryover! Woohoo! As I have told you before, she loves to sing. Well, singing Noah has a great big ark and Old MacDonald has a farm has helped. The other night, I was telling her we were eating chicken. I often tell her in Chinese and in English. After I told her we were eating chicken, she took a bite and then said "buck buck". :) She makes me chuckle all the time! She started making more of the animal sounds. If I start it and then wait, she will finish what I started. My favorite is when she does the monkey! If I haven't told you already, I sooooo love her!

Open my eyes Lord

Open my eyes, that I may see Wondrous things from Your law. Psalm 119:18

This has been a challenging weekend for me. I have wanted to blog all weekend and just couldn't find the time. I love sharing with all of you the joys my daughter brings. I will eventually get to that in a different post, but now, I just need to share about me. I need prayer and therefore, I want to share with you where I am at. This may not make alot of sense. This is just kinda rambling for me so I can sort it all out in my head and with God so be patient as you read this.

Our morning started out with me trying to get a "little guiet time". I was so excited. I woke up and had actually slept through the night without waking. Woohoo! Jade wasnt' awake so I wanted to go downstairs and get a cup of coffee and open my bible. I have been desiring adult time and quiet time this week. Not getting enough of either. Needless to say, I sat on one of my cat's tails which set him off and that set the other cat off, which in turn woke up Jade. Quiet time...gone. The morning continued to snowball. Let's just say, we left the house for church at the time we were supposed to actually ARRIVE there. Not good. As I drove out the driveway, I said, "Why bother going? You're already late. She's not actually understanding anything she is hearing anyways."

Lord, change my heart. Change my thoughts. Change my mood. I found myself Friday night so missing China and SFCV. As this weekend has unfolded, a friend of mine asked me why am I feeling this way. What is it I am looking for that I think I would get from adult time, time to myself, my hair cut/colored? What is it? Lord, open my eyes. I want to see. I want to know.

This weekend, I started thinking about how life was so much simpler in China. I could see and hear God so much clearer. There were less distractions of everyday life there to pull you away from Him. I didn't really get "adult time" and conversation except on Sundays as I rode in an hour with the Bakers to church, for lunch and the ride home. Even though I longed for it, it was part of life there so I just dealt with it. I couldn't easily get to church more than once a week like I can here. If I wanted to be "fed", I had to do it myself. I couldn't easily get to a store to purchase things and I couldn't really shop as it wasn't in my budget and most things didn't fit me.

When I first returned to the states, I wanted to keep my life simlified. I lived with so little there and still had so much more than most of my friends there. I find myself wanting things here. Why? I don't need them. while in china, I didn't cut or highlight my hair. I was afraid of a bad haircut (flashbacks of teenage years) and couldn't justify spending a week's salary to go to Beijing and color my hair. I don't know if it was I just didn't feel pretty or feeling like a mom or flashbacks of my oldest friend telling me I was looking frumpy but I went and got my hair cut and low lighted. I love it but why did I feel like I NEEDED it.

Sometimes my head is a very scary place to spend time in. That is why I only want to hear from my Lord. I want peace back. I want to be focused on what He wants me to focus on in my life. If there is something He wants me to change, I am willing. If there is something He wants me to do or stop doing, I am willing. I want Him to be my center, like it was in China. I need Him there. He was my husband in China. To some of you, calling Him "my husband" doesn't make any sense but He was my confidant. He comforted me. He corrected me. He calmed me down. He refocused me. These are all the traits that many of you turn to your own husband for and I want Him like that for me here too. I haven't put Him there in the last few weeks and I want Him back there. There are so many decisions I have to make and I hate trusting myself to make good ones. I know there is no greater wisdom, understanding or discernment than I can get from my Lord and Savior. Just pray that I can find what I had with Him while I was in China back here in the states as a mother. There is nothing greater than this. I don't need all the rest. If He opens my eyes and shows me something, AMEN to that! If not, I am ok with that, as long as I can put Him in the center of my life again.