Walking Back Into Shepherd's Field

Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come into him and dine with him, and He with me. Revelation 3:20

Today was a bittersweet day for me. I was back at Shepherd's Field Children's Village, the place that I love so much and worked at last year.

As we pulled up last night, I loved hearing the joy and excitement in my mother's voice. She has never been to China and saw only where I worked through my blog. As she saw the familiar fence around Shepherd's Field, she got excited. She felt it was even more beautiful in person. It was so nice to be able to walk around with mom and show her all the things I loved about Shepherd's Field. Building by building we walked around. Person by person, I introduced her to the people who were in my life this past year.

She was excited to see some of the children she had been following. She met Stacy. She saw one of the sweaters Stacy had knitted and mom is going to purchase it for Jade. Stacy was excited and took the compliments humbly. She is such a sweet young girl.

We went into the school. They were excited to see me. I love remembering when we would sit out in the yard and they would just keep asking me "What's this?" as they longed to learn more and more English. These hearts are just so open to love and be loved. It was joyful to walk into the door of the school and feel that unconditional love that these children offer.

My favorite moment was as we were leaving for dinner, some of the children from Samaritan's House came running over to us. Several of them swarmed around mom. They wanted to hug her, carry her purse, and just love on her. In that moment, I think she saw a little part of why I love it here so much.


Today was hard though. As I walked around, I knew it was different. Though the people and the grounds at SFCV have not changed, my role here has. I saw all the little things that I had done while I was here are now done by others. That is actually a good thing. Many times I prayed for someone to help because I was going to need to be able to spend my time with Jade. He heard my cries. He sent some amazing people who are exactly what is now needed here. I was needed last year. My time is now done though.

I am not very good with words. I will never be able to ever describe how much this place has meant to me in words. it has shaped me...molded me...made me in to the woman I need to be for this next part of my life. I don't know all that will come in my life but I do know the next step is to be a mom. I love everyone here so much that I think it would have distracted me from doing the most important job He has been preparing me for...being a mama to a sweet precious girl named Jade.

I know He has shut the door here. I am OK with that. He promises me that He has a plan for my life. It is to prosper me, not to harm me. I do have a hope and a future. It is hard because I know He used me to do some amazing things here last year. My time is done. I faithfully came and did what He called me to do. Because of my time here, SFCV will always be in my prayers. Though He has closed one door, He has also opened another door for me...A BIGGER, BETTER DOOR. I am going to be a mom. No greater gift could He have given me than that.